If you feel like someone you care about may be exhibiting early signs of dementia, a good first step is to talk to them about it.
This may look different depending on each family’s dynamics, but here are a few tips that can help steer the conversation in a positive direction:
Be clear but not combative. When describing what you’ve noticed, hold back any impulse to shame or belittle your loved one. It can be helpful to maintain a calm voice and steady body language, rather than escalating the conversation.
If you approach your loved one with a confrontational tone, they’re more likely to shut down or become defensive.
Ask if they’ve noticed anything. Clark says that it’s helpful to ask the person you’re caring for how they’ve been feeling and what they’ve been noticing, especially if you have a close relationship.
For example, you might say, “Mom, I’m a little concerned. I’ve noticed some things over the past couple of months. You’re going into a room two or three times and forgetting what you went there for. I’m not saying that you have dementia, but I know this can be a warning sign. What are your thoughts about that?”
Talk to other family members or friends. If the person you’re trying to help is more resistant or closed off, it may be useful to first talk with other family members or close friends about what they think.
If everyone gets on the same page, you can come up with a plan to have a conversation as a group. If the person you’re concerned about is a sibling or spouse, it may be helpful to suggest you both explore doing screening tests together.
Encourage them to see a clinician. If the person you’re concerned about agrees to seek care, the best first step is to speak with a trusted clinician like a primary care provider (PCP) or a nurse practitioner.
This clinician may not be able to make a diagnosis on their own, but it’s important to at least get the concern documented before seeing other specialists.
If the person you care about insists they’re not experiencing brain changes or refuses to see a clinician, it may be helpful to encourage them to seek medical guidance without alluding to dementia.
For example, you might say, “I know you’ve been feeling a little out of it lately, and I think talking to someone can help you learn more and get support. Can I help you make an appointment?” You can also offer to go with them to the appointment.
Be kind and supportive during the conversation, and remind them that memory issues don’t always point toward dementia. You may consider keeping a diary of events to help track your worries over time.
