As you process breast cancer guilt, you don’t have to worry about finding the one “right” way to do it, says Dr. Schultz. “Cancer impacts people in a variety of ways, and there is no prescribed way people should be feeling or managing their cancer experience.”
Practice Self-Compassion
“One of the first things I tend to recommend is having self-compassion and encouraging people to give themselves permission to feel what they are feeling,” says Schultz. To try self-compassion, practice talking to yourself the way you would talk to a close friend going through the same thing.
It’s okay to feel sad.
I am worth the extra care I need.
My life is important.
Speak With a Mental Health Professional
Speaking with a therapist can help you manage feelings of guilt. “Get a referral to a healthcare provider in psychological services, especially a provider who specializes in oncology,” says Heather Thompson, a breast health navigator at OSF HealthCare Saint Anthony’s Health Center in Alton, Illinois. Your care team can give you a referral.
Tell Loved Ones How You Feel
Opening up to people you trust about the guilt you feel can be very empowering, says Schultz. “As people become more connected and attuned with their emotions and are able to express those emotions with themselves and others in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way, guilt and shame can begin to melt away,” she says.
If you feel too nervous to do this by yourself, you can ask your therapist or counselor to help mediate the conversation.
Join a Support Group
Support groups can offer an emotional outlet to share your emotions and hear how others have managed theirs, says Arentz. You can even join multiple support groups to address different issues with each, Arentz says.
Your care team can help you find local support groups. You can also find online groups with these organizations:
Stay as Active as You Can
Exercise lowers cortisol (stress hormone) levels. “This not only helps stress hormones but also helps your cardiovascular and respiratory systems become healthier to aid in recovery,” says Arentz.
The type of activities you can do may depend on your breast cancer type and treatment plan. Ask your provider to recommend exercises you can do safely. Even just a few minutes every day can help, building up to more as you’re able.
Make Plans to Find Joy
You don’t have to wait for guilt to disappear before you find moments of joy. Make plans with a friend. Celebrate a family birthday. Go on that trip.
Breast cancer survivors may feel guilty for enjoying life “too much.” But doing things you love doesn’t mean you have forgotten people you have lost. In fact, it can be a beautiful way to remember them and honor their life.
