Dear Wealth Wise: I’m 46 with two teens. I’m debt-free, own my home outright plus three rentals, and have a $5 million portfolio that I actively manage across diversified markets. I live well below my means, am extremely frugal, and do most repairs myself. I met a great partner (48) who also has two teens, owns a home with a mortgage, has a great job with a pension in six years, and has a 401(k) worth $400K. He spends way more freely than I do. We’re discussing the future but have different views on money and different asset levels. How can I protect myself and my kids?
— Cautiously In Love
Dear Cautiously In Love: Meeting a romantic partner later in life can be a wonderful but challenging thing, especially if there are kids in the picture. Blending families isn’t easy, especially when navigating the already tricky teenage years. Here’s what the experts have to say about her situation.
A prenuptial agreement is key
When you have two people entering a potential marriage with very different levels of wealth, it’s natural to want to protect yourself, as well as your children.
From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance
Become a smarter, better informed investor. Subscribe from just $107.88 $24.99, plus get up to 4 Special Issues
CLICK FOR FREE ISSUE
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more – straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice – straight to your e-mail.
Julia Rueschemeyer, a Massachusetts-based divorce lawyer, says, “If you are planning on getting married, the best and only way to protect yourself is to do a prenuptial agreement. This can spell out exactly what would happen financially in the case of divorce, and it would trump any state laws about division of assets and alimony.”
Of course, the challenge is that prenups can have a negative connotation. But it’s important to recognize that signing a prenup isn’t inviting your marriage to fail. It’s simply a way to protect yourself, especially since some states have very strict laws about how assets are divided in the event of a divorce.
As Rueschemeyer cautions, “[Massachusetts] state law says that a judge can take any and all assets of one party from before or during marriage and give them to the other party. Only a prenuptial agreement protects you from that.”
Don’t be afraid to keep some of your finances separate
It’s clear that frugality has played a role in your financial success. That’s why Kristyn Carmichael, professional mediator, family attorney, and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst at Couples Solutions Center, says it may be a good idea to keep some of your finances separate, especially if you and your partner tend to have different views on spending.
“Many of my clients are in this exact situation,” she says. “Anything they bring into their marriage is kept separate property. They open a joint bank account that is for agreed upon joint expenses… They determine their budget for these expenses and contribute to the account either equally or in proportion to income on a monthly basis.”
From there, though, all other expenses, such as individual costs for hobbies, shopping, solo vacations, and kid-related expenses, should be paid from their own accounts, Carmichael advises. That way, there doesn’t have to be resentment over how much is being spent. And also, each person retains autonomy without having to consult the other.
This could lead not only to cleaner finances but also to a more harmonious relationship.
Put the right estate planning documents in place
In addition to a prenup, Carmichael says it’s important to have your estate planning wishes documented.
“You will also want a will and trust in place to protect your children individually,” she says.
Carmichael says that a trust, for example, might come into play if one of you moves into the other’s home.
“If the owner of the home were to pass away,” she says, “they [could] will the home to their children but leave a clause that their partner can live in the home for up to a certain amount of time. This allows that person time to grieve since they lost their partner without being kicked out of their home, giving them a transition period while also retaining the children’s interest in the asset.”
Rueschemeyer says a revocable trust could be a particularly powerful tool in this situation.
“Real estate in a revocable trust does get the step-up in basis when the owner dies,” she says. “The heirs pay capital gains only on increases in value from the time the property passes to them until they sell it.”
Finally, our reader might consider a QTIP trust, which is especially helpful for blended families. A QTIP would allow her to provide lifetime income for her husband if she dies first, while legally ensuring that the remaining principal ultimately goes to her children, not his.
Talk to a counselor to avoid financial conflict
It’s clear that you and your partner view money differently. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t need to have the exact same financial philosophy to make a marriage or long-term relationship work.
That said, Rueschemeyer suggests, “Besides getting a prenup, you should meet with a relationship counselor to talk about money before you get married. This could help you talk about your financial habits and aspirations and come to a better understanding and appreciation for each other.
Counseling could also give you the coaching you need to talk about money openly, Rueschemeyer says, so you can enjoy it in your relationship rather than have it become a source of conflict.
A word from Wealth Wise
We understand our reader’s concern about protecting her considerable assets in a new marriage, but we aren’t convinced that her love interest is a financial slouch. In fact, with savings of $400,000 in his 401(k), he has amassed a much larger 401(k) balance than the average 40-something in the U.S., which was $140,000 in the first quarter of 2026.
Moreover, he has a pension, a good job and owns a home, which demonstrates financial discipline and a commitment to a solid retirement. He may feel more comfortable spending money than she does simply because they grew up in different financial circumstances or cultures.
For that reason, we recommend she start with Rueschemeyer’s advice to see a counselor. The couple will need to discuss some basic assumptions and questions, such as how much money they need to feel safe, how they will handle big expenses and purchases and where and how they want to live and retire.
More Advice from Wealth Wise
Wealth Wise is Kiplinger’s advice column on navigating retirement-related dilemmas. Questions from real people, for real people.
Not all questions submitted will be published, and some may be condensed and/or combined with other similar questions and answers, as required editorially. The answers provided by our writers and experts, in this advice column, are for general informational purposes only. While we take reasonable precautions to ensure we provide accurate answers to your questions, this information does not and is not intended to constitute independent financial, legal, or tax advice. You should not act, or refrain from acting, based on any information provided in this feature. You should consult with a financial adviser regarding any questions you may have in relation to the matters discussed in this article.
Read More
TOPICS
